A Life Lived in Chapters

Life as a figment of fiction in reality is a peculiar thing to get you head around. The most head splittingly odd part about it is chapters. It stands to reason if you think about it; any story or novel is broken up into chapters. You never have a passage in a book in which the main protagonist spends hours sat on a bus for example, or a narrative of the twitches and itches of an afternoon nap - unless it's an integral part of the story (and lets face it, what a crap story that'd make!). With this in mind, imagine now what life must be like for a fictional entity forced to live without the boundaries and breaks offered by a life with chapters. It can be pretty distracting I can tell you.

People take this way of life for granted, and the knee jerk reaction is to tell me just to deal with it because everyone else does. However these periods of time are, as near as I can tell, obsolete. It's basically time spent without purpose and is generally unproductive and people would be better off without them. If you're walking to town, the chances are the walk is obsolete and if you could just "be" in town then you would be. And the biggest travesty is that most people when asked would be unable to tell you what they thought about whilst they were walking. There for, from my point of view, chapter or paragraph jumps are not only time officiant, but also VERY good for one's mental health. There has never been a time where I have been unable to account for my thoughts since my internal narrative (if there is such a thing for some one who has no "internal" anything... or external for that matter) is always a key part of the story.

The conclusion here is that, basically speaking, I get REALLY bored REALLY quickly. And usually this spells trouble because I really have no head for consequences.  

Regards

Alfie Strange

Acceptable Deceptions

It's not as easy as one may think, being unreal. What I mean is, it IS easy being unreal until someone or something makes you face up to things which are entirely real. I believe it's called a 'Reality Cheque' but I much prefer to call it a 'Reality Round-House Kick' because you're never sure which direction it's going to come from, and you know for damn sure that it'll take your face clean off your head.

The main issue I'm having with this reality is honesty. You all scurry about your lives moaning that "He said this behind my back" or "Politicians never say what they mean" but as soon as someone stares you right back in the face and says "You know what, that outfit DOES make you look fat" you break down, unable to cope. In the real world, it seems, double standards are a staple food. Not that this is a problem for you...you've had the chance to evolve (Ha ha ha) over hundreds of thousands of years and assimilate this attitude into your social structure. Things are some what different from my perspective. Lying, to a fictional character, is a somewhat bewildering concept since, by their very nature; their entire existence is built on a fabrication constructed by a person from the real world. This makes the boundaries between what is and is not 'acceptable deception' a little fuzzy to say the least. In fact as a rule we tend to only ever speak the truth so as not to complicate things. It takes no imagination to see that this has the potential to get Chris into a lot of trouble.

This past 4 or 5 days I've had to take back seat. There are two reasons for this:

1. The whole lazy thing again
2. Chris has been visiting someone whom might just find my character a little overwhelming to say the least.

The lazy thing I only mention because I like to keep it out there...keeps everyone in the picture. But the second is whole 'Acceptable Deception' thing. I've always been here in Chris's head. I'm the part of him who, one of Chris's friends observed, "hung around with a water pistol and fluffy dice hung from his belt." (Yeah, that was me - just trying to be noticed). But for one reason or another over the last year or two, that part of Chris was stifled. Now he's put a new face to it. My face. But people seem unwilling to accept this - not the new face thing, we're trying NOT to draw attention to this potentially harmful state of affairs (more on THAT another time perhaps) - but more to the change in character. It would seem that once people have been exposed to a certain mindset, that they are unable to accept another emanating from the same being. In short, people are confused when Chris ISN'T being morose, pessimistic, angry and dark. So now, in the interests of making sure others can cope, I have to be hidden every so often. Which, to a being with very little concept of deception, is beyond frustrating.

Now taking bets on how long before the crack start to show....

Regards

Alfie Strange

A brief history of Strange

Although it's only been one day since my first post (DO NOT expect this kind of frequency in future, as I've already mentioned I am lazy beyond all reason) I feel that I must explain a little about myself. 

As I said, my name is Alfie Strange, and I am entirely fictional. But in order for a fictional entity like myself to come into being, there must be a NON fictional person available to act as a door way. Mine came in the form of Chris. (I shan't be using real names in this blog, But rest assured these people do exist I just feel it would be in appropriate to name drop.) I'm not the first fictional being to come though Chris... I've met many others, most come and go without ever having as much of an impact as I've managed to. Some stick around and you'll get to know them in the future, just as I have. Chris has been having a rough time over the last year or so. there's no real reason for it - not major family issues to speak of, only the usual financial worries, not major health issues. But for whatever reason, Chris's mind was in a constant state of flux. This weakens the barrier between what is real and what isn't and, once this has begun, we (The fictional beings that everyone has in their heads) find cracks though which we can slip and join the party.   

From here on in, it might help for you to think of Chris's mind as a living room. In this room, there's a sofa and a TV and we're all sitting watching the TV. The TV represents the 'real' world and as we sit watching (Chris is in this room also) every now and then one of us speaks up... much like when you sit screaming the answers at a contestant on 'Who wants to be a millionaire' who ever shouts loudest, wins. Most of the time at the moment, thats Me.

I hope this explains a little more about how I came to be... no doubt I'll re-jig this metaphor over and over again (I ADORE change) but for now, I think it'll serve the purpose well.

Regards,

Alfie Strange  

My First Post...

Hello, I'm Alfie Strange. Unlike most people you'll know, I'm fictional. Also (and I like to think more interestingly) UNLIKE most fictional characters you might know, I live in your world. I live in what I have come to understand as an "ordinary" house, in an "ordinary" town just outside the M25 in England. 

I've been meaning to set up one of these blog-type thingys ever since I first heard about them. My reasons for not doing so are 2 fold. 

1) I am, by enlarge, lazy beyond all reason.

2) Up until recently I was suffering from the major disability of being ENTIRELY fictional. 

I will explain the finer points of my fictional origins in future posts. I just wanted to be polite and say hello. Feel free to comment - Although, to this particular entry, the only applicable comment would be "Hello"

Regards,

Alfie Strange